Robby, Miley and Jackson are walking up the porch of the new Stewart Household.
It's huge, and it's surrounded by acres of land. There are still workmen unloading things. Robby is carrying a box of personal hygiene items.
ROBBY
Well, are my babies ready to see the new home?
MILEY
Dad, babies? Really, come on. (indicates herself) Soon to be high school senior here...(pointing at Jackson)...soon to be College dropout there.
JACKSON (teasingly mocking Miley)
"Soon to be College dropout there".
Miley and Jackson start mocking each other as they normally do when they fight.
ROBBY (about the box he is holding)
I wasn't talking to you guys, I was talking to these babies. (to the box) Wait till you see your new bathroom.
Robby takes out from the box a hairdryer with flame designs on the side.
ROBBY (to the hairdryer)
I got you a chrome-plated wall.
Miley looks at him bizarrely.
JACKSON
Different house, same dippy-Dad.
ROBBY
Same dippy-Dad with (licks his finger and ruffles through his hair) great hair.) Ta-dah!
Robby opens the front door to the house and Miley and Jackson stare with excitement at the interior of their new home. It's amazing! Huge, spacious and stylish. The furniture is all new as well.
JACKSON
OH, sweet momma!
Jackson runs over to the new red leather couch.
MILEY
Wait. This isn't our furniture.
ROBBY
Well honey, no interest twenty-four months says it is.
MILEY
You bought new furniture? Without consulting me? (pause) And it looks good? (places a hand on her forehead) I gotta sit down.
ROBBY
Try out the new section. It's double stuffed.
Miley goes and sits on the couch. Jackson jumps on from behind and twirls around on it a few times.
JACKSON
Oh!
Jackson feels the couch for its stuffiness and leans back down with a dreamy gaze on his face.
ROBBY (to Miley)
And fortunately, pet-protected.
Jackson, after sitting down properly, reaches onto the coffee table and gets a remote.
JACKSON
What's this do?
ROBBY
That's a remote.
Jackson presses a button on the remote. He and Miley are amazed when a table opposite them in front of the wall folds up to reveal a widescreen television screen!
JACKSON (to the TV screen)
I know we just met, but I think I love you.
Miley rolls her eyes despairingly.
ROBBY
You like that one, boy? Wait till you see the one in your bed--
As soon as Robby says the word bed, there's a huge gush of wind as Jackson's unseen figure races upstairs to the room. Papers go flying everywhere.
ROBBY (finishing his sentence)
--room.
Jackson's found his room upstairs and is heard:
JACKSON (VO)
Wooo-hoooo! I'm never moving out!
MILEY
Didn't think that one through, did you Dad?
Robby shrugs and turns away. Lilly, Miley's best friend, who is moving in with them, comes walking through the door talking on the phone to her boyfriend Oliver. Some men come in behind her and drop in some boxes.
LILLY (on phone)
Well, have fun on tour, Olli-Pop...
Lilly comes down into the house and loves it.
LILLY (CONT'D on phone)
I'm gonna' be so sad till you come home... (looking around; to Miley) This place rocks! (as she walks around, Miley follows) Yeah, uh...my eyes won't see anything but the bore of my tears...and...
Lilly gets excited when she sees something in the kitchen.
LILLY (to Miley)
Pizza Oven! (raises phone to ear again) Yeah, I can't talk now. Gotta' go. (to Miley) Wow.
MILEY
I know.
LILLY
How?!
Robby is at the kitchen bench unpacking some things.
MILEY
Him.
LILLY
Him?
MILEY
I know.
LILLY
Wo-ow. (pause) This is the place everyone's gonna wanna' hang out.
MILEY
I know. I've already thought about that. (looking out, smiling) I am gonna be the social hub of senior year! Me! (turns to Lilly and sees that she is looking annoyed. She corrects herself) We! I said we, 'cause...I mean, I was thinking we. You know...(wraps an arm around Lilly) Daddy, we love the place. (to Lilly) See what I did right there?
Lilly nods.
ROBBY
You think you love this? Wait till you see your new bedroom. I brought out something special from Tennessee.
MILEY (happy, using her fingers as a list)
First Blue Jeans, then the house, and now there's more?! (to Lilly) Is he the sweetest Daddy in the world or what?!
Miley runs upstairs like there's no tomorrow. Lilly follows her.
***
Lilly and Miley are in their new room standing at the door with horror on their face as they look around. It's a spitting image of Miley's room when she was 6-years old. It's got pink walls, a bunk bead and little soft toys all over the place.
LILLY (about what Miley said about Robby; pointing at the room)
I'm gonna' have to go with "or what".
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
Lilly and Miley are wandering around the room still.
LILLY
Why would your dad think that wrapping up your old room and shipping it out here would make you happy? (picks up a pink pig toy)
Miley starts to have a flashback. Tennessee, two months ago: Miley runs into the exact same room she is standing in now and drops her bag on the ground. Robby is behind her.
MILEY
This room makes me so happy. (runs over to the desk and starts to hug a pink soft toy) Sometimes I wish I could just wrap it all up and take it out to Malibu.
Robby's face turns away as he has an idea. Fades back to the present. Miley acts as though she has no idea.
MILEY (shrugs)
Who knows what goes through that Hill-billy mind of his? (crosses to the front of the room) Now put down Rainbow Piggy.
LILLY
"Rainbow Piggy"?
MILEY
Hey, I was six! (snatches toy from Lilly and talks softly again) He oinked away the bad dreams.
LILLY (pointing at the room)
Well can he oink away this one?
Jackson comes to the bedroom door. He looks in and pretends to be disappointed when he looks around and sees that Miley has her old kid room from Tennessee.
JACKSON (pretending he is upset)
Oh, man. I didn't get my old room from Tennessee. (now more obviously teasing) All I got was a new stereo, new TV, new...
Miley shuts the door in his face and voice becomes distant. Lilly is starting to get frustrated.
LILLY
Look, you have to do something, okay? (picks up a doll) I can't spend senior year rooming with Daisy Diaper.
DOLL VOICE (VO)
I'm wet.
LILLY (to the doll)
Zip it, Drippy, no one cares.
Lilly chucks the doll behind her. Miley looks shocked. Before she can respond, Robby walks in with an excited grin on his face.
ROBBY
Okay. I know it's crazy, but when we were back home in Tennessee and you said how much you loved your bedroom and how you'd like to wrap it up and bring it out here when...
Lilly creeps up to Miley's side and whispers into her ear.
LILLY (irritated)
You said that?!
MILEY
Don't interrupt, it's not polite.
ROBBY
Anyway, I saw how much you loved it and how happy you were, and-and then I bought the ranch, and then I got thinking and said, "well (???) Robby Ray, you're halfway there. Give the girl her bedroom!" (Lilly hits her forehead) That could make her happy all the time.
Lilly gives a thumbs up at Robby with a fake smile. Miley doesn't know what to say.
MILEY
Thank you so much, daddy. Don't know what I did to deserve this.
Miley and Robby cross to each other and hug.
MILEY (to Lilly while she is hugging Robby)
I honestly don't.
***
Later on, Robby is downstairs in the kitchen unpacking some things. Jackson is sitting on the red, leather couch getting out a book from his study bag.
JACKSON
New house, new study habits.
This gets Robby's attention. Jackson flips through a few pages but then throws it away and lies down.
JACKSON
Who am I kidding?
ROBBY (about Jackson)
New house, same gut-wretching disappointment.
A young man comes in through the front door. He is holding a pile of letters and a pie. His name is TJ.
TJ
Hey guys. (looking around) Wow, cool house. I'm TJ. (steps down) Normally I wouldn't just barge in like this, but now that I've gone through your mail I feel like we're kinda' old friends. (places pie on table) Who wants pie?
Jackson is at his side by now. They have walked to the kitchen table. Jackson snatches the letters from him.
JACKSON
You went through our mail?!
ROBBY
Hold on son, I'll handle this. (sits down in front of the pie) I'll have a slice.
Jackson goes over to Robby and talks directly to him.
JACKSON
Dad, focus! He went through our mail.
TJ
Oh, just the outside. I'm not weird or anything.
Robby has a fork in the pie as TJ tries to take it away.
TJ (trying to take the pie)
So how about we take that pie and hit the hot tub?
ROBBY (with a mouthful of pie)
Uh, look...
TJ (interrupting)
Or if you're embarrassed by those few extra pounds, you can spit out that pie and go straight to the tub?
ROBBY (insulted; to Jackson)
Did he just call me fat?
Jackson gives Robby a pat on the shoulder.
JACKSON
Now I'll handle this. (to TJ) Right this way, please.
Jackson violently grabs TJ by the neck and drags him to the front door.
TJ
I came on to strong, didn't I?
JACKSON (sarcastic)
Little bit.
As they come to the door, a young, attractive woman, about Jackson's age, appears. It is TJ's cousin, Siena. As soon as Jackson sets eyes on her he is captured by her beauty.
TJ
Oh, hey 'cuz.
SIENA
TJ, I told you to wait for me. (to Jackson) I-I'm sorry. He's really very sweet, expect you know that thing in your head that tells you NOT to say stuff? Yeah... he doesn't have that.
JACKSON (trying to impress)
W-what are you talking about? He's just-just about the most charming little rascal I ever did met. (ruffles TJ's hair and releases his neck grip)
SIENA
So my cousin didn't say anything he shouldn't have?
JACKSON (shaking his head)
Nooooooooooo.
Robby, who is still sitting over at the table eating the pie, raises his hand.
ROBBY (eating)
He called me fat.
Siena waves shyly over at Robby. Jackson looks embarrassed.
JACKSON
Oh, well, I mean, let's face it. You are a little doughy.
Robby looks at Jackson with an open mouth. Jackson turns back to Siena.
JACKSON (to Siena)
Hey, um, we were just getting ready to get in the hot tub. Do you-do you wanna' come?
SIENA
I would love to, but I have a bikini catalogue shoot in an hour.
This obviously makes Jackson picture a certain image in his mind. He struggles to focus as he speaks:
JACKSON
B-B-B-Bikini?
SIENA (modest)
Yeah, I'm a model.
JACKSON (smiling)
Of course you are.
TJ
Well, I can stay.
JACKSON (annoyed)
Of course you can.
TJ
I didn't bring my trunks, but I don't mind tubbing in my undies.
TJ walks back down.
JACKSON (annoyed)
Of course you don't.
SIENA
Well, have fun.
Siena waves goodbye and takes off. Jackson watches her go as he closes the door.
***
Upstairs in Miley and Lilly's bedroom, Miley is putting away clothes in the big white chest of drawers. As she opens one of the drawers, it triggers a unicorn toy on the top shelf to start singing. She nods along to the tune.
TOY (VO singing)
Have a good day at school today, Have a good day at school. I love you.
Lilly is over in the opposite corner unloading clothes from her box into a smaller chest of drawers. She watched Miley singing along to the toy with embarrassment.
LILLY (mocking Miley)
"Yeah, move in with me. We're like sisters. It'll be fun. YOWL!"
Angrily, Lilly closes the drawer she has been unloading in and it makes the lamp on the shelf shake.
MILEY
You're just bitter 'cause your dresser doesn't love you.
LILLY (sarcastic)
Yeah, that's it.
Miley rolls her eyes and turns away.
***
Jackson and TJ walk back into the house after being in the hot tub.
TJ
You really didn't have to loan me these board shorts.
JACKSON
Yes. Yes I did.
They stand by the couch for a bit. Robby is in the kitchen pouring out drinks.
TJ
Hey. You know what's weird? Your dad is so tall and good looking. What happened to you?
Jackson puts on a fake laugh, and as they start walking towards the kitchen he kicks and punches the air behind TJ in annoyance.
JACKSON (through consistent fake laughing)
See? I have such an amazing sense of humour and that's why I laugh at that. (normally) Maybe you should tell your cousin that.
TJ takes a glass of frosty drink from Robby's hand.
TJ
Hey, thanks, "Robbo".
TJ precedes to the back door where there is a small pullout compartment.
TJ (holding out the door)
Oh, look at that. You got your own little door.
Jackson gives a look of frustration to his father. TJ is oblivious to the irritation he is causing.
***
Meanwhile, upstairs, Miley and Lilly are still unpacking. Lilly walks over to a chest at the end of her bed with a pile of clothes and pushes off a soft toy. She hesitates before she opens the door.
LILLY
If I open this, can I look forward to more stupid music?
Miley is sitting on her knees as she looks through another chest of drawers.
MILEY (mocking Lilly)
"Can I look forward to more stupid music?" (pause) Don't open it.
Lilly sits herself down on the chest she was going to open.
LILLY
This is a nightmare. How are we supposed to be the social hub of senior year in a room full of pink piggies and musical furniture?!!
MILEY
Look, okay. (closes drawers and stands) We know it's bad. (downstairs, the doorbell rings) But, it's not like anybody from school's ever gonna see it.
But she spoke to soon...
ROBBY (VO) (calling from downstairs)
Hey, Miley! Some of your buddies from school are here!
MILEY (to the heavens)
Oh, come on!
***
Downstairs, friends from school, Joannie Palumbo, Sarah, and a few extra faces we haven't seen on screen before, are looking around the place. Miley and Lilly come racing down and they all gather around.
JOANNIE
Stewart, this house is unbelievable!
SARAH
It's like my dream house. Except, it doesn't have solar panels, a rainwater reclamation system... and it isn't made out of used tyres. But other than that, it's
perfect!
JOANNIE (to Sarah)
Now way to bring down the room, Sarah! And FYI, a tree never died to make a breath mint.
Sarah looks insulted as she covers her mouth for a second.
SARAH
That's organic broccoli!
MILEY
You know what? She's right, she's right! (pushing the friends to the door) This house is an energy sucking (???). I am so ashamed for you guys to see it, you guys should just... maybe you guys should leave.
Miley and Lilly hold the door open for them.
JOANNIE
Oh come on, at least let us see your bedroom.
Miley and Lilly look at each other with panic.
MILEY/LILLY
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
MILEY (thinking of an excuse)
We would. But, Lilly has got to get down to her new job at The Pier.
LILLY (silently)
Uh, no, my shift doesn't start till five...
MILEY (interrupting)
You have to go to work!
LILLY
I have to go to work.
Miley and Lilly run out the door, leaving the friends inside. Joannie's phone rings. She answers it.
JOANNIE (on phone)
Hey, mum...
Lilly and Miley realize that they're alone and come back inside.
MILEY
Come on! Fun! The Pier! Prizes! Whoa...
Robby is drying some dishes in the kitchen.
ROBBY
'Mile, what's the big rush? You've got time to show them your bedroom.
MILEY (demanding about Lilly)
She has to go to work!
LILLY (high pitched)
I have to go to work!
Joannie hangs up the phone.
JOANNIE
Oh, man. My stupid little brother is sick, and now I can't have my...(to Sarah)...CALL IT A SLUMBER PARTY AND I'LL POUND YOUR FACE IN...(normally)...sleepover this weekend.
MILEY
Too bad.
LILLY
What a shame.
MILEY
Can't live in the past.
LILLY
Let's go to The Pier!
MILEY
Let's go to The Pier! Yeah!
Miley and Lilly jump down to try and get the girls out. But Robby has still been listening in...
ROBBY
Hey, I got a good idea! Why don't you have your party here?
MILEY
Should've seen that one coming. Daddy-say what?!
JOANNIE (happy)
Really, Mr Stewart?
LILLY (agitated)
Really, Mr Stewart?
ROBBY
Absolutely. There's no better way to break in a new house than a good, old-fashioned sleepover. (to Miley) Besides that, what a great way to kick off your senior year! (taps Miley with plate he is drying) This is awesome. (walks off)
MILEY (high pitched, pretending to be excited)
You betchaaaaaaa!
Miley rolls her eyes to the floor in worry of what is to come.
***
For the first time on the show, there is a new hangout other than Rico's Shack - the aforementioned "Pier". It's a carnival like area, with a ride called "The Avalanche". Lilly is working at a toy stall. Joannie, Sarah and Miley are gathered around at a table with heaps of people.
JOANNIE (excited, to the people:)
Wait until you see Miley's house, it's a-mazing.
SARAH
Well, as amazing as a house can be without an in-kitchen composter.
JOANNIE (to Sarah)
Yeah, if our parents weren't dating.
SARAH
Don't worry. The way your mum over-waters her lawn, my dad's walking any day now. (exhales on Joannie and walks off)
JOANNIE (to Miley)
Thanks, Stewart. See you Saturday.
Joannie and the people from school walk off.
MILEY (calling after them)
Yep. Party starts at eight! (turns to Lilly behind the counter) Humiliation and social death starts properly at eight-oh-one.
Lilly looks turned down by Miley's negativity. She is wearing a headband with alien antennas sticking out.
LILLY
Do you mind? I am trying to be cheery. (smiles) I am the face of Albane's Funtopia! (a boy comes in front of the counter) Hi Sweetie, have you made your choice?
BOY #1 (pointing behind Lilly)
I want the big tiger!
LILLY (over cheerful voice)
Well, the big tiger is fifty-thousand tickets. You can get (places them on counter as they are said): the ice cubes, the eraser, or the dragon stickers.
BOY #1
I want the big tiger!
LILLY (irritated)
Well, you can't have the big tiger. All right? But if you put those stickers under your pillow, when you wake up in the morning, that tiger will be at the foot of your bed! Yay!
On this, the boy takes the stickers and races off with huge excitement. Lilly smiles as he goes. Miley gives her a look.
LILLY
Yeah, he'll be disappointed. But, you know, at least when he wakes up on Sunday he'll still have friends!
MILEY
Oh, look. Come on, what do you expect me to do? I mean, I can't just tell my dad I hate the room. You saw him. (imitating Robby) "Do you like it? I did it just for you, bud". I mean, I wish...I wish there was just some way he could see how humiliating it is.
Miley turns and sees behind Lilly is hung a jacket that has red roses and green leaves on it that sparkle and light up. It catches her attention. She has a flashback, to when she was a little girl, lying at the top of her bunk bed:
YOUNG MILEY (calling out)
Daddy, you promised you'd say goodnight before you went to your concert!
ROBBY (VO)
Hold on, I'm coming, 'darlin.
A younger Robby, with a mullet and wearing a green jacket that lights up like the one at The Pier, comes walking into Miley's room with the phone raised against his ear.
ROBBY (on phone)
Marty, I am serious, I am not walking out stage in this shirt. It's humiliating! Hold on just a second.
Robby turns around and it gets even more visual: the back of the shirt has a lit up guitar. He jumps up on to Miley's bunk bed and gives her a kiss goodnight.
ROBBY (to Miley)
Sweet dreams.
Robby turns of Miley's lamp and walks back out, talking on the phone again.
ROBBY (walking out; on phone)
I'm serious, Marty, I look like a dang hotel sign!
The flashback fades out and cuts back to the present. Miley points at the light up shirt behind Lilly.
MILEY
I want that shirt!
LILLY
Why?
MILEY (gesturing for Lilly to come closer)
Let me paint you a picture.
Miley's having a "movie-scene" in her head. A sitcom version of herself comes skipping down the stairs in their new home to graceful music. An audience applauding is heard.
MILEY (gracefully)
Father?
A sitcom version of Robby is sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.
ROBBY
Yes kitten?
Miley walks down to Robby. She has something behind her back.
MILEY
You do so much for me. I just want to do something special for you. (presents out the light up shirt from The Pier) Surprise!
ROBBY (shocked)
Good Heavens!
MILEY
You wore a shirt just like this when I was just a mere slip of a girl. And I'll never forget how handsome you looked in it.
Robby gets up from his seat and takes the shirt.
ROBBY (embarrassed)
Uh, how sweet of you, princess. But that was the past. (sweetly) I've grown. I've changed. (a bell dings in his head and he looks back to Miley) As have you. (Miley shrugs with a smile) Which means, I've made a horrible mistake with that bedroom of yours. Can you ever forgive me?
Miley makes an arch with her arms and hands under her neck and smiles dashingly at her father.
MILEY (sweet)
Of course I can!
Classic sitcom music causes the scene to end and fading back to the present. Miley is gazing into thin air with a dreamy look on her face, with an arch under her neck. For a moment, Lilly stares.
LILLY
Would you stop that? It's kinda creepin' me out.
Miley snaps back to normality.
MILEY
Fine. Give me the shirt.
Miley goes to walk behind the counter, but Lilly blocks her way.
LILLY
Fine, give me fifty-thousand tickets.
MILEY
Where am I gonna get fifty-thousand tickets?
A young girl walks over and places a box full of tickets on the counter.
GIRL #1 (cute, charming smile)
What does fifty-thousand tickets get?
Miley sees this as an opportunity. She goes into her purse and gets out a twenty dollar bill and waves it in the girls face.
MILEY (trying to sell)
How about, a brand new, twenty dollar bill?
GIRL #1 (taken aback, moving away)
How about some personal space, freak?!
MILEY
Okay, fine. A fifty?
Miley goes into her bag again, but the girl seems uninterested.
GIRL #1
Forget it. I want...(pointing)...the big tiger.
LILLY (drained)
Everybody wants the big tiger.
Lilly turns around to go and get the tiger, but Miley jumps behind the counter.
MILEY
No, no-no. No you don't. This (takes tiger from Lilly) is carnival junk. (starts to play with it violently) The stitching is terrible. I mean, it's got a (???) before you even take it home.
Miley bangs it on the counter. Lilly doesn't know what to make of it.
LILLY
Yeah, that's why it's fifty-thousand tickets.
Miley goes out from the counter and bangs it on a nearby table. Girl #1 watches with disappointment.
GIRL #1
Stop it, you're hurting Hannah!
Miley's rage comes to a sudden stop. She is alarmed.
MILEY
Hannah... as in Montana?
GIRL #1
Yes, weird as in 'do'.
Girl #1 starts to wrestle for the toy. Miley eventually snatches it away and goes to Lilly. Girl #1 sits down at the table, looking sad.
MILEY
Keep her here.
Miley chucks the toy at Lilly.
LILLY
What, you're going all the way home?
MILEY
I don't have to. (takes out a small box from her bag) Vacuum-packed emergency Hannah kit. (Lilly has a hold) After four years of (???)-the Hannah can, you pick up a little summin'.
LILLY (checking out the box)
No way.
MILEY
Yes way. (snatches it back) The guys at the space shuttle made it for me. I made them a mix CD. Oh! (starts looking through her bag) They also gave me...(takes out another little box and hands it to Lilly)...thanksgiving dinner for eight.
Miley runs off. Lilly places the little box on the counter.
LILLY
Hmmmm... (unbelieving) ...'yeah right.
Unable to withhold her curiosity, Lilly pulls out the string and a gust of breeze blows back her hair. All of a sudden, in front of her, is indeed: all the things needed for eight people at Thanksgiving dinner. She looks shocked.
***
Back at the new house, Jackson and TJ are sitting at the kitchen table. TJ has his feet up and there is a bowl of grapes between them.
TJ
Don't worry. I've read that even at 16/17 you can still have a growth spurt.
JACKSON (insulted)
I'm 19!
TJ (surprised)
You're 19? Wow. I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have an abnormally large head.
JACKSON
Hey, you know what? I got a great idea. (standing) Why don't we go to your house and see if your cousin's home from modelling (struggling to get the words out) B-B-B...B-B-B...two piece swimwear.
Jackson heads for the door. TJ stays seated.
TJ
I doubt it. She's probably hanging out with her dumb boyfriend.
Jackson looks shocked, and disappointed.
JACKSON
She has a boyfriend?
TJ
Yeah, he thinks he's all cool cause he's a "professional football player".
JACKSON
Huh. (looks down then up) You know what I just realized? (yelling and pointing at the door) GET OUT!!!
TJ
What?
JACKSON
Yeah. Get out of my house!
Jackson drags TJ by the neck to the front door.
TJ (as he is dragged)
Was it something I said?
JACKSON (as they get to the door)
Uh, it was everything you said. Starting with "who wants pie?" and ending with, "abnormally large head".
Jackson opens the door and Sienna is outside.
SIENNA
Hi. Uh, TJ, I locked myself out of the house and I need to use your keys.
JACKSON
Oh, well you're in luck. TJ and his keys were just leaving.
SIENNA (to Jackson)
You've been so sweet to him. Unlike that jerk I just...(turns way holding back tears)...broke up with.
Jackson realizes this is his chance.
JACKSON
...Broke up...?
TJ (doesn't really care)
Oh, to bad. Let's go.
TJ starts to leave but Jackson pulls him back by the neck.
JACKSON
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Where are you going, neighbour-cousin-buddy?! (shutting the door in Sienna's face) Would you just excuse us for one, just a little...
Sienna tries to protest but Jackson slowly closes the door and turns to TJ.
JACKSON
You know that whole...(loud voice)..."get out"...(normal)...thing. I was totally kidding. Test of friendship. You passed!
TJ (about Sienna)
She's a babe, isn't she?
JACKSON
W-with a very small window of availability.
SIENNA (VO) (from outside)
I could really use a hug!
Jackson holds his hands together and turns back to TJ.
JACKSON (despairingly)
PLEASE don't ruin this for me.
TJ
Can I use your hot tub whenever I want?
JACKSON (compromising)
Yeah, just...no more man-made bubbles.
TJ (agreeing with reluctance)
All right.
Jackson opens the door again. Sienna is standing there with a downer expression on her face.
JACKSON (humbly)
Could you still use that hug?
SIENNA
Yeah.
Jackson puts his arms out but Sienna walks past him and goes straight into TJ's embrace. Sienna didn't notice Jackson.
TJ
Come on, 'cuz. Let's go get something to eat.
SIENNA
Okay.
Sienna and TJ walk out. Jackson doesn't watch them go. He looks to the floor miserably and as he begins to walk away, Sienna pops her head back in.
SIENNA
Do you 'wanna join us?
Jackson turns around and answers instantaneously, with alarm.
JACKSON
YES!!! (normally) I mean...I could eat.
Jackson takes a deep breath and follows Sienna outside, closing the door.
***
Down at The Pier, Lilly and Girl #1 are holding an end of a chicken's wishing bone. Lilly is behind the counter and Girl #1 is in front.
LILLY
I wanted a room.
GIRL #1
I want the tiger.
LILLY
I wanted a room!
GIRL #1
I want the tiger! (she pulls and it snaps off her end) HUH!
LILLY (trying to hide her frustration)
Stupid NASA wishbones.
GIRL #1 (demandingly)
Give me my stinking tiger!
Lilly's phone beeps. She reads it and looks back to Girl #1:
LILLY
Okay, but uh...before I do...(points suddenly and speaks with enthusiasm) Oh my gosh, it's Hannah Montana!
Girl #1 turns around with a hype of excitement.
GIRL #1 (excited)
Where?!!
And sure enough, Miss Hannah Montana is being carted out by two workmen on a small booth.
HANNAH (through microphone)
Hello, Malibu Pier! Good to see 'ya!
The crowds applaud. Hannah jumps off the cart she was being pushed in on and onto a small stage which has appeared from seemingly nowhere. She points down at Girl #1.
HANNAH
This one's for you, kid.
Hannah starts to sing her new song, "Are You Ready?". The people around her cheer. Girl #1 goes over to where Hannah is performing and Hannah lifts her up on the stage with her. They dance together as Hannah sings. Lilly, still behind the counter, plays with a toy guitar. The song finishes eventually and the crowd cheers.
GIRL #1 (with a hopeful smile)
Do more!
HANNAH
I'll sing whatever you want. (leaning over to Girl #1) For fifty-thousand tickets.
Girl #1 gives a thumbs up. Hannah smiles.
***
Later on that night, the plan is almost completed. Miley and Lilly are standing in front of Robby back in the living room. He is wearing the light up shirt from the stall.
ROBBY (laughing a little)
I don't know what to say.
MILEY
If you don't like it, you can tell me. (pretending to hold back tears as if she is sincere) I will understand. (sits down on couch beside Lilly)
ROBBY
Don't like it? I love it.
Miley and Lilly jump up from their seats in alarm.
MILEY/LILLY
You WHAT?!
ROBBY
Yup. If this shirt brings back special memories to you, then I'm proud to wear it.
It seems as though Miley's plan has taken a hideous turn.
MILEY (unsure what to say)
Uh...I mean-I mean, Dad. 'Cause if you don't like it, you could tell me. I mean-I mean, I'd totally be okay with that.
LILLY (instant)
She would, totally okay.
MILEY
'Cause that is how you raised me.
LILLY
Raised her right, you did.
MILEY
You taught me that, you know, uh... sometimes people do things out of the kindness of their heart, that some people don't really want.
LILLY (forceful)
...Many not want AT ALL.
There is a pause in the conversation.
ROBBY (rubbing his hands together)
Nope. I love it.
MILEY (sarcastic at first)
GREATTTTTT. Then let's go celebrate at a crowded restaurant where everybody knows you! Let's go.
Miley grabs her handbag and runs for the door. Lilly follows behind her.
ROBBY (hesitant)
Uh... right now?
MILEY
Yup, right now. I mean, unless for some reason you don't want to wear it...because you HATE it.
ROBBY
No, no.
MILEY (coming closer)
Yeah, you do.
ROBBY (shrugging)
No, I don't.
MILEY (nodding)
Yeah, you do. Come on! If you don't tell me you hate it right now, we're gonna' walk out that door, 'mister.
Robby looks the shirt over and takes a second to think of what he will say.
ROBBY (confessing)
All right. I hate this shirt.
Miley is hoping the next phase of her plan will come naturally.
MILEY (prompting; gesturing with hand motions)
And now, you realize that...
ROBBY (stumped on what to say)
I really hate this shirt?
Lilly can't hold it in anymore.
LILLY (blurting out the truth)
NO! Miley hates her bedroom. When she said she wanted to "wrap it up and ship it out here", she didn't mean it literally. I mean, we're girls, we say things we don't mean, (shakes Miley) get a clue!
MILEY (gasps)
That was the hardest thing I've ever had to say.
Miley sits down on the couch. Robby sits beside her.
ROBBY
'Mile. Why didn't you just tell me you didn't like your bedroom?
MILEY
'Cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
ROBBY
You know you can tell me anything. I'll always understand. As long as it's said with love (to Lilly) and sensitivity.
LILLY
Sorry.
MILEY
I didn't want to come off ungrateful, 'cause you do so much for me.
ROBBY
And I get the feeling, I'm getting ready to do just a little more.
Lilly is now sitting on the armrest.
LILLY (drained)
Please!
MILEY
So, a complete bedroom makeover?
ROBBY
Why not? We could design it together.
Robby goes to stand. Miley pulls him back down.
MILEY
Or, I will design it, and you write the cheque.
ROBBY
Even better.
Miley latches onto Robby's arm and goes to lean on him. She rebounds back off when she feels the shirt.
MILEY (burned)
Ow, that's hot!!
***
Miley and Lilly are in their bedroom upstairs. It still hasn't been given a makeover yet. Lilly is standing over at the chest of drawers and Miley is sitting at the desk on her phone to Joannie.
MILEY (on phone)
Sorry Joannie, I really wanted to have your slumber...
JOANNIE (VO)
SLEEPOVER!
MILEY
...sleepover at my house, but, looks like it's gonna have to wait a couple of weeks. I have never seen Lilly so sick.
Lilly is in the middle of the room. Miley walks over with her phone and Lilly does a really exaggerated cough to the intercom.
MILEY
Oh no, Lilly! All over our amazingly cool bedroom! (back on phone) Gotta' go, Joannie. Bye.
Miley hangs the line up. Lilly points her pencil over at the wall.
LILLY
Hey, you know, if you take out the bunk beds, and you um... move some things around, and you, throw a different colour on the wall...
Jackson walks in with a hot dog, sauce all over his face, and burps, just to annoy the girls. He walks off looking pretty dirty. Miley and Lilly look with disgust.
LILLY
Ew!
MILEY (pointing out the door)
We'd still be living next to that.
LILLY
Well, what other choice do we have? Unless you wanna' go sleep out in the barn.
This pops an idea into Miley's head. She tilts her face as she considers. A quick scene change shows Miley and Lilly standing in the middle of hay-infested barn outside.
LILLY (looking around)
Well, uh... it smells better than Jackson's meatball burp. (pause) But not by much.
MILEY
Are you kidding? After we've done with this place it's gonna be raved.
LILLY
Okay, well, uh, I just have one rule.
Lilly walks over to the side to reveal that there has been a horse standing in the barn all along.
LILLY (pointing at the horse)
He's gotta turn around when I change.
MILEY (with a flick of her hand)
Don't worry, I'll move him into the other barn.
The horse snickers.
MILEY (to the horse, as if his snicker was a remark; frustrated)
Because you're a horse, you live in a barn. We've been over this!
Miley gives a look of tiredness to Lilly. The horse turns away.
***
Hannah Montana © Walt Disney. No infringement is intended through the transcription of this episode originally written by Michael Poryes and Steven Peterman.
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